The Winter of My Content

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Just over two months ago, I lamented the fact that 2014 was shaping up to be a poor year for movie quality. In fact, 2014 was churning out much stronger drama on television than at the movies. But, as Rustin Cohle noted, without time, nothing grows, nothing changes.

And time changed the entertainment landscape. Gone were “True Detective,” “Masters of Sex,” “The Leftovers,” and “Mad Men.” In their place? “Saved by the Bell: The Unauthorized Story” and a plethora of fall TV offerings that looked mediocre at best. And the best drama? Back to where we expected it: the big screen. Continue reading

#MoviesInReverse

A few days ago, the hashtag game #MoviesInReverse was trending on twitter. As most of you know about me, I love a good hashtag game, especially when it involves movie plots. Rather than post all the tweets I sent (@jacobsjj – follow me), here’s a list of the best ones. (And I think you’ll get the idea of the game after reading one or two of my tweets). Feel free to contribute your own below in the comments.

Eliza Doolittle gives up the posh lifestyle and develops a cockney accent.

Buzz Lightyear leaves the gang after a falling out with Woody. Andy only plays with Woody from now on.

Talented but angry golfer Happy Gilmore gives up the game to pursue a career as a hockey player.

The ghost of Patrick Swayze comes to life to make pottery with Demi Moore.

The wildly successful Titans football team dissolves into racism and bigotry, ultimately forming two separate teams.

Danny Ocean and company return millions to Terry Benedict, and then sit around gabbing for an hour and a half.

Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman leave behind Mexico to spend 30 years in prison.

After saving the day, Spiderman goes to a lab where a spider sucks radioactive venom from him, turning him into geeky Peter Parker.

Talented but undersized Rudy makes a dramatic play, then chooses not to play in another game at Notre Dame for 4 years.

Benjamin Button gets older.

After only representing Rod Tidwell, soulful agent Jerry Maguire sells out, dumps Dorothy Boyd, and gets a ton of new clients.

Simba makes up with Scar, fights back against a stampede and restores Mufasa to life, and to the throne.

Happy couple Harry and Sally debate whether they could have just stayed friends, and then choose to be solely platonic.

The talented and scrappy squad Bad News Bears begin to suffer from in-fighting, and end up not being able to stand each other.

Thelma and Louise leave the Grand Canyon, return stolen money, and go their separate ways.

Indiana Jones returns artifacts.

Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan break up, choosing only to speak via email.

No thanks to a shrieking Neve Campbell, Ghost Face brings several deceased teens back to life.

Nicolas Cage returns the Declaration of Independence.

After putting his parents back together, Marty McFly travels back in time to break them up.

After the fight of his life, Rocky Balboa lets himself go physically.

Freddie Prinze makes a bet that he can turn the love of his life into the least attractive girl in school.

Jim Carrey learns the wondrous value of lying.

After a game of catch with his ghost father, a man demolishes his baseball field and plants corn.

Dissatisfied with American life, Fievel temporarily abandons his family before they all board a ship to Europe.

Colin Firth’s regal character develops an unfortunate stutter, and ultimately is unable to speak in public.

Julia Roberts leaves Richard Gere and has to resort to a life of prostitution.

 

2014 MLB Playoffs

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I’ve tried to keep sports out of this blog, despite my rabid fandom for the Yankees, Knicks and Jets. That said, it’s time for the baseball playoffs, and because my beloved Yankees failed to qualify, I have to determine which team I will support. So, I came up with the only scientific metric I could think of: Judge each team based on the most famous television show that took place in that city, and crown a winner. Spoiler alert: TV shows that took place in LA are far more plentiful than those that took place in Kansas City, as you’ll see. Without further ado, my 2014 MLB Playoff Picks: Continue reading